About Me

Fairfax, Virginia, United States
Bargain Huntress. Loved by foreign men. 30ish, and I live alone with two cats. Yeah... I am single, obviously (see above). I lack the ability to eat desserts in moderation. I don't take no for an answer. I like a good argument everyday. I am real.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I vacuumed my cat yesterday

It's spring again. Don't you love spring? Who doesn't loooove spring?!

This girl, right here.


Reasons I Don't Like Spring:

1. All those beautiful flowers that are blooming everywhere and on everything makes my nose drip, eyes red, throat sore, and head hurt. My allergies take complete control over my entire body and all I can do is avoid high pollinated areas (impossible)and take a cocktail of over the counter meds and say some prayers.

2. Allergy medications make me have funny dreams. And when I say funny dreams what I really mean is crazy anxiety ridden night terrors. I wake up soaked in sweat and utterly confused as to what has just happened to me. I have never had to launder so many pajamas in such a short period of time in my life.

3. The cats. I have a hard enough time trying to keep the amount of fur covered items in my apartment within the acceptable range in the dead of winter so when spring rolls in with its warmer weather and my cats start to shed and shed and shed and oh yeah, shed..... I just about loose that last bit of sanity I was holding on to...which means I start to imagine unconventional yet possibly successful ways to get. the. fur. OUT. Which lead me to vacuum my cat. Now before you go all PETA 911 on me I used the extension tube thingy with a brush on the end of it, I did not, I repeat, NOT run over my own cat with a full sized vacuum cleaner. Now, I will confess that the vacuum cleaner is a source of great trepidation for the cats already because it is really loud and its insides spin around really fast as it makes the loud scary noises.

However, my fur psychosis was greater than I anticipated and my once *imagined* cat vacuuming became a reality. I picked the cat that doesn't have the ability to scream like an evil spirit being vanquished, and he pretty much just froze like a deer in headlights as I held him tight and brought the mouth of the swirling cyclone snake to his fur encased body. I have to say I was really impressed with the results. And although poor Simba didn't ever completely relax at any point during the vacuuming of his body he didn't seem to be in any more discomfort than when I attack him with the deshedder and brush that are manufactured for this purpose. Overall I give this experiment my stamp of approval. I will not be repeating this test on my other cat because although I might not know my neighbors I do respect their ability to call the management office to complain about the loud screaming coming from the apartment next door.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Memories of the Monkey Bars

I was amazing at the Monkey Bars in elementary school. I could swing from one handlebar *skip over the next one* and grab the third one and I could do this both forwards and backwards.

I mention this because I had a dream about reliving my Monkey Bar glory days the other night and I can't get it out of my head.

I usually dream that I can fly like a flying squirrel in my dreams...I run and bounce off the ground and then glide all over until I loose momentum and need to bounce off the ground again.

I am pretty sure I seriously lack the upper body strength to even get from one bar to the next on the Monkey Bars today but it sure makes for a very satisfying dream.

Eu sou terrível nas barras de macaco

Monday, November 22, 2010

Boring Things I can't Resist

I have a confession to make....I like me some boring stuff on TV including but not limited the following:

Antique Roadshow - I just discovered recently that this show started in the UK and they run the original British shows on PBS.

Book TV- sometimes they interview really good authors of books I might want to read. For example, I learned all about a former Colombian politician, Íngrid Betancourt who was kidnapped by the Colombian drug traffickers and held captive in the Amazon jungle for SIX YEARS.

Telemundo- I know my Spanish is moderate at best but they always run the best American movies dubbed and sometimes suspenseful movies are even more suspenseful if you have to really pay attention to understand what is going on.

That guy who paints paintings- I remember being a kid and sitting mesmerized by the guy who would show you how to paint landscapes. He would start from the beginning and you just watched him paint leaves on trees and blades of grass for an hour.
And I could not pull myself away from it.

essas coisas são muito chatos, mas eu gosto deles

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Yesterday I had this all day marathon interview at this incrediable company I much desire to work for and at one point I was interviewed by a very masculine man who had a dog that looked very much like the above sitting in his lap the entire time.

I was a little more than distracted and more determined than ever go get this job just so that I could play with this dog during the day.

o que é um cachorro adorale!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I don't even have a job why can't I keep up with Blogging?

I got laid off a couple weeks ago.

It happens. Actually, it has happened to me a disproportional amount of times in my career but that is probably because I work for, or work with mostly non-profits and they just don't fair well during recessions.

But I don't keep this blog so I can talk about my personal life, I keep it to entertain myself because I love to read my own writing.


I know it is weird when people tell the truth online but I can handle it, if I did talk about my personal life in my blog you would realize that.

I have decided to link this to my facebook page because at least I can make it look like I write it for other people's entertainment and not solely for myself, which is the actual truth, like I told you, I love to read my own writing.

It is 100 degrees outside. I haven't left my apartment all day. I don't think I did yesterday either now that I think about it....I promised myself I would actually shower and go buy onzies for a project I am working on for a friend (Oops! I let the cat out of the bag because she is the only person besides me that reads this! Hi Jen!) (See how I did that, I made you think that this blog wasn't all about me for a moment, clever I know)

I am afraid of leaving my apartment because I am afraid of sweating to death but dying of boredom is a close second so I am gonna muster the courage and wear a tank top or something that is already dirty.

Falando portugues e muito malo ahora para minha. (e "minha" correcto?)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Things I randomly miss about Florida

I lived in Orlando, Florida for three and a half years.

It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.

And while there are many people and memories I miss from my time there, there are also some small things that I occasionally miss too.

Today I miss....

Retention ponds. There is nothing like seeing an alligator big enough to eat you crawl out of one and into your neighbor's swimming pool.

Armadillos. Little armored rats that you can sneak up on and pat on the bottom.

Palm trees. Easy, breezy, beautiful: Palm trees.

Sand cranes. I didn't believe the the theory that dinosaurs descended from birds until I encountered one of these

The summer rainy season. Downpour, everyday at 4pm, like clockwork.

Oranges, lemons, limes all growing on trees IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

Florida e cuidade bonito.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Overheard on an elevator

Yesterday I was on my way out of my building when I got into the elevator with this girl who was on her cell phone and at one point she says:

"Yeah, I mean, come on! The Cheesecake Factory? Its like..so 1994. Can I at least get a good restaurant...."

Is there an expiration date on coolness for restaurants?

(Not that I would know, I was wearing a t-shirt with a Labrador retriever puppy wearing a bandanna that said " Campaign Against Cruelty" across it.)

But I don't remember the Cheesecake Factory having an especially "hip" period in the 90s either. It wasn't like the cast of 90210 was constantly being caught chowing down on a really really big dinner portion salad in Beverly Hills or anything.

What are the "now" restaurants? I can't think of a single restaurant that I want to eat at that hasn't been serving their best for over 25 years or more.

I just smiled at the girl and then took off in my 1998 Honda accord.

Cheesecake Factory e muito legal!

My chair pad is much prettier than these

My chair pad is much prettier than these