Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I vacuumed my cat yesterday
It's spring again. Don't you love spring? Who doesn't loooove spring?!
This girl, right here.
Reasons I Don't Like Spring:
1. All those beautiful flowers that are blooming everywhere and on everything makes my nose drip, eyes red, throat sore, and head hurt. My allergies take complete control over my entire body and all I can do is avoid high pollinated areas (impossible)and take a cocktail of over the counter meds and say some prayers.
2. Allergy medications make me have funny dreams. And when I say funny dreams what I really mean is crazy anxiety ridden night terrors. I wake up soaked in sweat and utterly confused as to what has just happened to me. I have never had to launder so many pajamas in such a short period of time in my life.
3. The cats. I have a hard enough time trying to keep the amount of fur covered items in my apartment within the acceptable range in the dead of winter so when spring rolls in with its warmer weather and my cats start to shed and shed and shed and oh yeah, shed..... I just about loose that last bit of sanity I was holding on to...which means I start to imagine unconventional yet possibly successful ways to get. the. fur. OUT. Which lead me to vacuum my cat. Now before you go all PETA 911 on me I used the extension tube thingy with a brush on the end of it, I did not, I repeat, NOT run over my own cat with a full sized vacuum cleaner. Now, I will confess that the vacuum cleaner is a source of great trepidation for the cats already because it is really loud and its insides spin around really fast as it makes the loud scary noises.
However, my fur psychosis was greater than I anticipated and my once *imagined* cat vacuuming became a reality. I picked the cat that doesn't have the ability to scream like an evil spirit being vanquished, and he pretty much just froze like a deer in headlights as I held him tight and brought the mouth of the swirling cyclone snake to his fur encased body. I have to say I was really impressed with the results. And although poor Simba didn't ever completely relax at any point during the vacuuming of his body he didn't seem to be in any more discomfort than when I attack him with the deshedder and brush that are manufactured for this purpose. Overall I give this experiment my stamp of approval. I will not be repeating this test on my other cat because although I might not know my neighbors I do respect their ability to call the management office to complain about the loud screaming coming from the apartment next door.